The first realization requiring experiential integration is:
1. Whenever we are emotionally triggered by another, or because of an unfolding circumstance, we are experiencing the surfacing of a memory.
The surfacing memory seldom has anything to do with the physical circumstance or person reflecting it. They, like a mirror, are the outer surface upon which an external projection of an inner energetic imprint is being played out.
Physically tampering with the outer manifestation of such a memory – by attempting to rearrange physical circumstances through sedation or control - is in-effect-you-all. In the short term it may feel good – may appear effective - but the unfolding of time inevitably reveals nothing real and hence lasting is accomplished.
Also, tampering with any thought form triggered by this surfacing memory is equally in-effect-you-all. At some point, we discover that ‘changing the way we think about something’ does not ‘change the way we feel about it’ if we have not simultaneously impacted that thought-form causally through unconditional felt-perception.
When we do not transform the way we feel about something – nothing actual changes.
The surfacing memory related to any emotionally-triggering event in its purest, primal form, is ‘the felt-aspect’ of the triggering experience.
We are upset be/cause we feel upset.
While we are learning how to recognize and integrate these surfacing memories, naming the uncomfortable felt-aspect of our upsetting experience may be useful. However, it is not through mental labeling, but through ‘feeling this memory unconditionally’, that authentic integration of an imprinted emotional signature is accomplished.
This automatically and seamlessly leads us into our next required realization:
2. The causal point of the surfacing memory that is upsetting us is accessed and integrated by impacting the imprinted condition within our emotional body through unconditional felt-perception.
This cannot be overstated.
Once achieving these above two realizations experientially, we become less and less inclined to meddle with others or outer circumstances when triggered in a manner that causes us felt-discomfort.
We instead reflect upon them as being akin to a holographic mirror.
We also become less and less inclined to mentally anal eyes what is occurring within our field of experience. We real eyes that, ‘a story is just a story’ - no matter how interesting or dramatic - no matter if it even stands up in court - it is still a mental explanation of a primal, energetic, felt-predicament.
Consequently, when upset - we choose to consciously place our attention upon the felt-aspect of our triggering experience and to contain it unconditionally.
Being prepared to feel our own fear, anger, and grief – and to journey inward upon their spiraling currents - beyond the place of having to name anything – into purely being unconditionally with these resonances through felt-perception – is what establishes authentic intimacy with and within ourselves.
Because the emotional realm is one perceptual shift away from our authentic vibrational essence on the tuning dial of our human experience – by consciously feeling our emotional content, we become ever closer to ourselves.
This increasing closeness to our vibrational resonance is profoundly intimate. It gradually brings about the vibrancy of authenticity and integrity.
The more intimate we become with and within ourselves, the more we real eyes that the most wonderful contribution we may make to another’s experience is to take responsibility for the causality of our own.
Once we experientially real eyes the above perceptual stepping stones – we are ready to enter another dimension of our emotional heart-work: Integrating the uncomfortable felt-experiences as reflected to us by our birth family.
If we enter this terrain of our heart-work without having to some extent experientially visited the above realizations, we invariably cause unnecessary chaos within our family.
If we skip over this part of our heart work, we then unconsciously 'take it out' on our companion. We turn our lover into our mother or father or brother or sister, or into a kaleidoscope containing them all.
By entering the family work consciously, we open our hearts to a more conscious and rewarding experience with our lover.