It is a confirmation to me of where we are at, that the essence of more than a few of the "Comments" on this blog site - and of the emails I am now receiving - relate - or subtly assume and insinuate - that the exploration of intimacy is an examination of 'a way of relating to others'. Specifically sexually. When we assume this, we are misled, and our accomplishments within this exploration empty of what is profoundly possible.
Then, we mistakenly use The Holy Grail as a coffee cup.
When the word 'intimacy' is used in our world, because of the paradigm of projection through which we now stumble - it is natural we relate intimacy as being about 'our relationships with others' -specifically with 'our lover'. However, there is only one relationship that truly counts: The way we are relating to ourselves.
This is why the journey of exploring intimacy - as it is unfolding here on NAKED - commences with EXPLORING INTIMACY WITH and WITHIN MYSELF. This is a topic we shall explore for some time yet. This is the foundation upon which we acquire the key to reopen the secret doorway into Camelot which was deliberately shut and seemingly sealed forever by our fear-based, ungodly, religious programming.
An authentic exploration of intimacy intends returning us to The Kingdom of The Heart, not The Boredom of the unconscious and addictive reign of the penis and vagina.
Through all my twisting and turning, tripping and tumbling, it is clear to me - joyfully and painfully so - that my way of relating to myself is 'the primary relationship' upon which the qualities of all my ways of relating within this world are founded. When this primary relationship is empty or inadequate - I addictively pursue and use every aspect of the world for one application only: To achieve an orgasm.
Of course, there are profoundly infinite dimensions involved in exploring this 'relationship with myself' - and, we shall explore as many of them as I can express. And, along the way, we shall real eyes as clearly as a desert sunset following an afternoon downpour, that the quality of all our projected relationships - whether they be with our family, lovers, cats, dogs, and plants, are directly determined by the resonance of the way we are currently relating to ourselves. Yes, I repeat myself - but this is because this realization is causal and therefore cannot be lightly skipped over.
If I assume I am capable of establishing authentic intimate interactions with others when I am not yet able to be is way with and within myself - I am still functioning from pretence - not presence. Then, I am still functioning as if 'the quality of my encounter with the perceived other is happening to me' - as opposed to through me.
It is natural in this world, that when we hear the word intimacy, we want to rush into discussions about penises and vagina's, about nipples and soft inner thighs. This is 'the program'. These discussions have absolutely no constructive value until we develop the capacity to embraced certain realizations about the dynamics and mechanics of 'relating to ourselves'. Without first intending initiating authentic intimacy with and within ourselves - our sexual expressions remain camouflaged violence.
If we have not yet initiated sincere, inner, intimate exploration - all our outer attempts at intimacy are merely unconscious and hazardous encounters with reflections of unintegrated emotional signatures more efficiently approached within the sanctuary of our own sacred company.
If I do not first unravel and awaken to the revelations inherent in exploring intimacy with and within myself - then, I inadvertently use my outer relationships for self-deceptive purposes. Then, I try to work my personal stuff out with my family. Then, I try to work family stuff out with my lover. Then, I try to work my lover stuff out with my religion. Then my spiritual life is a farce. Consequently, all that unfolds is frustration, confusion, and an ongoing empty resonance of disappointment and dissatisfaction.
Then, instead of attending to my inner child work, I call my lover, 'my baby', or I say to her, 'Come to daddy', and other ridiculously immature and revealing expressions that show I am misplacing my intimate point of you. What is my intimate point of you?
"Won't you be my baby tonight?"
"No, grow up already, go do your inner child work, and stop projecting that stuff onto me."
"I wanna be, your Teddy Bear..."
"Listen, didn't you hear a word I have been saying?"
"Aww cummon, come to daddy..."
"Do yourself and me a big favor: Go home and sit around the dinner table with your family and parents until you are at peace there. Don't bring that unresolved crap into our bedroom! This is not what a lover is for."
Those of us seeking to skip over the crucial steps of initiating authentic 'intimacy with ourselves', and then 'intimacy within our families', and who would rather go right to the penis and vagina, are best served by being confined to activities such as urination. This is because we do not yet have the capacity to contain the journey inherent in relating to another as 'a lover'.
When we have not yet first taken these crucial steps, our lover becomes a fleshy object beaten with the stick of our unresolved emotional signatures. These particular emotional signatures are always most efficiently approached and integrated alone. Then, carefully and compassionately examined in the context of 'our way of relating to the members of our birth family'. And, only then explored within the loving embrace of a complete stranger's arms and eyes.
Through NAKED I do intend exploring the dimension of 'intimacy with a lover' - in great depth - in a manner some of you may not yet have been exposed to. However, if I enter this conversation right now - without first establishing a stable context -what shall be gained shall be shallow at best.
An authentic exploration into intimacy is not about propping up, patching, and simply making do with a recycled version of a paradigm, which at its core, is impotent. [We are not politicians dealing with our planetary economic situation.] Exploring intimacy authentically is about shattering this impotent paradigm completely by revealing the radiance and revelation of a way of relating to ourselves, to our family, to our lover, and to all perceived others, that comes from beyond the confining habitual parameters of our imprinted behaviors.
I am in no hurry to approach these revelations. I am not even at the foreplay stage of the 'exploration into intimacy' yet. Through this sacred work, we call 'what love is' to ourselves so we may have the profound opportunity to set Her free. To, at this point, bring up the topic of vagina's and penises is nothing more than sloppy premature ejaculation.
I seek to be the one person I know who is prepared to be with 'what love is' in way that does not cage, confine, and attempt to use Her as a container for manipulation and ejaculation. How about you?
First having the patience and willingness to explore intimacy within myself is the honoring of the primary relationship from which the quality of all other ways of relating radiate. This honoring approach initiates the vulnerability that attracts Love's attention.
So, those of you now emailing me with sexual questions - like, "Will the breathing enlarge my penis?" Or, "How do I find the right sexual partner to start this journey into intimacy with?" - quit it!
Going anywhere near sex when we have not first initiated the intent to become authentically intimate toward and within ourselves, is like giving a religious fundamentalist a nuclear bomb: Everyone ends up getting fucked and any awareness of 'what love is' becomes obliterated.
We are right at the beginning of a marvellous journey. Best we take our attention off the orgasm for now. It is easier to take off our clothes than to become truly naked. However, as I and many of you may have already discovered - easy is overrated.