The way this practice works is that while we are gazing with each other, we are simultaneously mining energetically within ourselves. Though our companion is present, for each of us gazing is essentially ‘an inside job’. We are energetically digging inwardly and uncovering the imprinted patterns revealing the emotional signatures which – because they are so uncomfortable – unconsciously drive us from ‘being with each other’ into ‘doing with each other’.
15 minutes gazing once a week is all that is required to unearth the causality of ‘our doingness when together’. What occurs as a direct consequence of this gazing is that over the next few days after experiencing this practice we become aware of these emotional signatures. For the most part, this awareness arises like it does in THE PRESENCE PROCESS procedure, as externally triggered reflections - as ‘set ups’ – as upset.
This is why gazing is NOT TO BE DONE EVERY DAY. Gazing is ‘the inhale’. Time out from gazing is ‘the exhale’. Both are movements are required. It is important to allow time to unfold for a good exhale.
Initially, it is recommended we only gaze with each other once every seven days. This allows a full week for the unearthed emotional imprinting to arise into our awareness. Once we become more skilled at this procedure, and at responding to its consequences, we may gaze every four days. To do it more frequently than this is called, ‘trying to push the river’.
Pushing the river occurs whenever we do not give enough time for the consequences of the practice to unfold to a point of resolution. Pushing the river occurs when we use this practice as ‘the fix itself’ – instead of viewing it maturely as merely a catalyst to initiate experiences ripe for experiential processing. Do not push the river – it is a futile approach and only leads to confusion, frustration, and an inevitable resistance toward this perceptual tool. To commence with, gazing once a week is enough.
The setups or upsets triggered through gazing are processed in the exact manner in which we are instructed within THE PRESENCE PROCESS procedure, and also within ALCHEMY OF THE HEART.
This is one of the reasons why ‘exploring intimacy consciously with another’ is not an entry point into this heart-work. This is why we only initiate a conscious exploration of intimacy with another after first having established a semblance of intimacy with and within ourselves when we are alone – and then with and within our family when we are gathered with them.
When we enter this level of exploration with another – and we apply a tool like gazing – without first having done a substantial level of personal and family-related work, we are asking for disaster. We are then sitting on a pile of bone-dry kindling and playing with fire. This is because the emotional signatures unearthed during a conscious exploration into intimacy with another are some of the most deeply unconscious and uncomfortable felt-aspects within our emotional imprinting. As arising feelings, some of them are truly horrible to behold.
Having the capacity to consciously contain a direct felt-awareness regarding certain aspects of our behavior toward others – especially as it relates to what we call ‘intimate relationships’ – or the balance within the feminine/masculine principle - requires a stamina that is only gained from approaching this experience through the natural radiance of this work. In the days following gazing with our companion we experientially real eyes the extent of this truth. Even the most skilled emotional processing warriors are laid flat and unexpectedly stunned by the consequences of encountering the felt-aspects of imprinted emotional signatures related to masculine/famine imbalance upon this planet.
Once we have commenced the gazing practice with another, there are two main ways in which these mined-for emotional imprints surface into our personal awareness – and so there are two approaches to responding to them – both of which require the art of inner alchemy to initiate and accomplish resolution:
1. The first is when we are upset while being on our own. When the upset arises and we are alone – in other words, when we the upset occurs while we are not in the company of our companion - we are to process it alone. We are not to try and make contact with them as a means to include them within our drama. We are to move through the art of ‘being with what is’ until we achieve resolution. Our companion cannot assist us and no amount of verbal vomiting in their direction advances integration. The mental body believes in ‘talking things out’ – but it is a liar. Talking to our companion within the midst of an upset only serves to bury the emotional signature we have unearthed and to breed unnecessary confusion. Only ‘feeling what is unfolding within us without condition’ resolves it – not ‘discussions about what we are feeling’. Talking may enable us to temporarily feel better – but it does not move us one inch toward getting better at feeling. Therefore, we are first to process this experience to the point of completion before sharing the insights it gifts us with.
We know we have accomplished resolution when what we are experiencing is ‘no longer about anybody else’, and when the discomfort arising from the upset has completely passed and is replaced by a feeling of peacefulness, laced with deepening insight. We are integrated once we are able to laugh about it. To enter any discussion with our companion prior to this point of resolution is to fan the fires of confusion – or as we state in THE PRESENCE PROCESS – to clean the mirror in an attempt at cleansing the pimples it reflects. Once we achieve resolution – we may, if we feel inspired, share the insights gained through this triggered experience with our companion. This post-processing sharing fosters deepening intimacy.
2. The second approach is when the upset arises while we are in each others company. Again, the only approach useful when this occurs is silence, stillness, and a willingness to feel what is unfolding without attempting to cage it, kill it, or flee from it. And, be warned, some of the arising emotional signatures are so horrible, we will want to cage them, kill them, and flee from them. Sitting quietly together in silence while the triggered emotional signature spills out all over the shared experience feels exactly like dying. It feels like 'the end of the world'. Everything becomes dark and feels as if it is over. There is no future, no hope, and no seeming prospect of coming out of it. This is exactly how it is supposed to feel because what is unfolding is indeed the death of an illusionary perceptual state regarding a particular disfunction within our feminine/masculine interaction perpetuated through generation imprinting. The discomfort we feel is our experiential movement through the felt-texture of the arising emotional signature. Also, while we move through this experience, there are horrid thought patterns – stinking thinking. These are the stories that have become associated with this particular emotional signature whenever it has shown its face in any way within our previous interactions with others. The only way out is to sit together in silence, to feel what is, and to allow these feelings to move their course until they pass.
When we do not enter discussion – when we do not entertain the story – and when we do not try to physically 'do something about what we are feeling' – they pass. It is our beingness with them – and not our doingness to them – which integrates them. Not only do they pass – but on the other side of the experience an enchanting space opens up which is delightfully intimate. We know we have reached this delightful space of rebirthed beingness because it feels like we have just awoken from a dream and are able to laugh about the nightmare just passed. The spontaneous laughter is a key signifier that what arose is resolved. Not only this – often we have no idea what it was we passed through! It is so gone that it is hard to talk about. All we know is that something dreadful suddenly arose – seemingly out of nowhere – triggered unintentionally and unexpectedly by one of us - and then we sat with it - together – and it was horrible -and it then moved on – and in its wake we feel closer to each other than we ever knew possible.
Each time we ‘move through’ these deeply primal emotional imprints together, we are forging a bond which is eternal. Reaching the spontaneous laughter is evidence we are touching upon the vibrational. This is because spontaneous laughter is always the first indicator we are accessing vibrational awareness. Laughter is the medicine we are after.
If, and only if, we feel completely stuck within the triggered experience which unfolds when we are in each other’s company – then we may resort to the practice of gazing in that moment as a means to ‘break on through to the other side’. This means, amidst the immense discomfort, we sit, face each other, enter silence and stillness, and gaze.
So, we gaze, and the practice of the gazing empowers us to unearth deeply hidden emotional signature. These signatures then arise within the days following our gazing practice, and they may arise while we are alone or when we are together – and we process them accordingly. The mechanics of processing of the emotional signature are always the same: Being silent and still within the felt-aspect of the uncomfortable experience without placing any conditions upon our willingness to be so. As with all this work, the unfolding of the experience from the moment of triggering toward the moment of resolution is organic. Don't force anything.