Monday, April 13, 2009


How do we recognize a partner with which to consciously explore intimacy?

First of all, any companion we are journeying alongside right now, whether through marriage or otherwise, is our current intimacy partner.

We do not have to ‘get rid of the person we are with right now’ to explore intimacy. The exploration of intimacy is multi-dimensional and has many layers of entry and application.

For many of us, our current companion may not be involved in heart-work at all. They may not even use the word ‘intimacy’ as part of their vocabulary. They may be happy with ‘things just they way they are’. They may never read more than one page of a book like THE PRESENCE PROCESS, and then put it down never to pick it up again. The may seemingly have no interest.

When we awaken intent to explore intimacy, but are in this predicament – then this is 'our cross to bear'. It means we are not yet ready to receive a consciously-orientated intimacy partner. It means we still have some personal and family imprinting to integrate. It means part of us is apparently as unconscious about the necessity for an exploration into intimacy as is communicated by the felt-reflection of our current companion .

When with a partner not vulnerable to exploring intimacy consciously, we are still able to explore intimacy ourselves - just not ‘with’ our companion yet – but rather ‘in the company of our own companionship’. This is what THE PRESENCE PROCESS and ALCHEMY OF THE HEART assist us to accomplish.

Where we are right now in our heart-work is where we are now required to be. To wish it to be some other way is to miss the point and unconsciously initiate energies of manipulation.

People who are ripe for such an encounter are often those who have been on a solitary journey for a while.

Celibacy is a very good resonance to entertain before entering a conscious intimacy exploration with another. When we are continually sexually involved we are not vulnerable to an accurate awareness of what constitutes ‘the condition of our personal energy environment’. Regular sexual encounters immerse us deeply into the energetic environments of another.

A solitary experience means that rather than looking outwardly for another - we have been seeking inwardly - we have instead been focusing on guiding, healing, teaching and nurturing ourselves.

A solitary experience means we have for a while deliberately not been leaning on another, and so we have become aware of just how and where we do lean. We have processed the emotional charges driving our leaning behaviors.

A solitary experience means the mirror and family dinner table have been our intimacy companions.

We may be married, or in a long-term relationship, but still have entered such a solitary resonance. This is the consequence of many marriages and very long-term relationships programs.

Then, one day we real eyes we have arrived at a place on the road where it is now beneficial to journey intimately with another. We have become our best friends. We have processed much of our neediness and incessant wanting, and so know we have something to give. We seek an intimate encounter in which we may give, give, give it all away.

We become curious about the experience of intimacy. We ask sincerely, “What is this intimacy thing about? I would like to explore intimacy as an experience. ”

When we have been journeying in a solitary manner for a while – without any companion – and feel ready to explore this next level of the intimacy experience consciously with another – there are signs which are useful in identifying when such a potential companion enters our space:

We are not passionately drawn to this person. This is because they are not reflecting the felt-resonance of our unintegrated emotional charge. When we meet another who ‘knocks us off our feet’, we can be sure this is NOT our intimacy partner. To our inner child, this is simply a very good reflection of 'mommy' or 'daddy'. Such ‘head over heals’ encounters are driven by the emotional realm, not the vibrational. Those seeking ‘the rush of falling in love’ are not yet emotionally equipped enough for such an exploration. These passionate encounters usually drown when called upon by the depths of intimacy.

We almost feel a sense of indifference when we encounter someone ready to journey with us. It is not actually ‘indifference’ we are feeling – it is ‘lack of manipulation’. We notice they are equally indifferent to our presence.

Being able to rest in their company is evidence of great possibility. When with a potential intimacy partner, there is a distinct resonance of stillness and emptiness in which we feel relaxed enough to rest. We are able to rest because we are at peace with this person. There is no push and pull because there is no need and want related to their presence.

It is the kind of encounter in which we feel uncertain we shall meet again. We have no sense of ‘a future together’. They just happen to be here in this moment with us. Our full awareness is present with them in this moment. The events of this moment are enough - they are not 'driving us to make plans to put together another moment while we are still in this one'.

There is no personal preparation required before entering their company. We have no desire to impress [manipulate] this person – we want nothing from them.

This encounter will also appear to be in some way ‘arranged’. When we are paying attention, it will be quite obvious the universe is placing us before them and them before us. It is obvious that 'there is something at play'. Playfulness is a sign.

When we experience an encounter that resonates with some of the above indicators, it means the universe is presenting us with a profound possibility.

Because of the amount of emotional processing already accomplished, many are now ready for such an encounter. Blessed are those who recognize it and have the courage to initiate such a great adventure into themselves with another.